


Pretend i have a choice

by fiamma_gaia03gv



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Arranged Marriage, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bonding, Immortality, M/M, Maryse Lightwood Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:22:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29980074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiamma_gaia03gv/pseuds/fiamma_gaia03gv
Summary: Alec and Magnus are married. The wedding has been arranged by the Clave and the Downworld Council in order to keep the peace. During the ceremony the two are bonded in a way that Alec is not aware of, he'll find out the day after the wedding and he'll have to cope with that.This was inspired by the arranged union by AngelCastielRulesTheWorld. Basically the setting .
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

Alec can't believe this is happening to him,

he can't believe what Magnus is telling him,

he is stuttering and rambling and he looks anxious.

Alec stops listening, all become a blur. All Alec could think of are those words which were said earlier:

"you mean...i'm immortal?",

"if our bond grew stronger your life will be extended",

"you knew all along? why didn't you tell me?",

“Because I did not think it was of much concern.”

Alec can just stare at that, an unreadable mask in place, Magnus starts rambling at the silence that follows those words.

"Stop that" Alec said coldly looking out of the window.

Magnus shuts up immediately.

There's a tense silence for a few minutes.

I messed up before it even started, Magnus thought.

They married yesterday, they didn't love each other, it was a political marriage.

In order to keep peace the Clave and the Downworld made a covenant pact sealed by a marriage,

and the chose ones were them,

Alexander Gideon Lightwood, Head of the New York Institute

and Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn.

They met a few days before the wedding and decided to make an effort, there was attraction between the two of them, so the wedding night wasn't an issue. Alec was allowed to marry a man, something he never thought was even an option, so he wanted to make the best out of it; as for Magnus, he took a liking in Alec since the very first moment, so there was no bad in mixing pleasure and business.

Alec recieved his first kiss at the wedding and had the first time with Magnus that same night.

Alec thought he cuold love Magnus one day, they just fit, he thought.

He knew the bond they shared thanks to the rune was unique, they were connected, but this...he didn't expected this side effect...immortality, that's mind-blowing really.

The silence becomes suffocating.

Alec finally locks eyes with Magnus, who is staring at him intently, with, what is that?, fear, regret, guilt... in his eyes.

Eventually Alec is the one who breaks the silence "Talk clearly. How does it work?" he says calmly.

"Alexander...".

Alec stops him before he cuold tell anything that was not what he asked for. "Answer the question, nothing less, nothing more".

Magnus swallows the lump in his throat, because he can see that Alec is hurt under that mask and he hates himself a little because it is his fault.

It's his guilt who forces him to answer, he owes Alec that at least.

" Immortality is a part of our magic... with our bond we share our strength, and our powers, the stronger our bond is the more we will be able to share that strength" Magnus says in one go.

"I see" was all the response Alec gave him.

"How am I immortal ?" Magnus knew what he was asking, How is uor bond so strong so soon?,

Magnus can't speak for a while, then says " Since we first met got along pretty well, and we both wished for a chance for something more than a political relationship, so when we sealed the bond, it was already strong, but...after last night when we...you know..."

he stopped for a moment, he wasn't usually shy about sex, but at this moment remember how vulnerable the both of them had been, seeing a flesh of hurt in Alec eyes was enough for Magnus to not mention it.

"...anyway, our bond intensified, and...I think it will get even stronger in the future"

Alec is silent waiting for something else, something he knew Magnus wasn't telling me,

it's frustrating how well he already knew him, thought Magnus,

so he takes a deep breath and continues

" when I created the rune I knew you would live a few decades more then a mortal usually lives" he said in a whisper and stopped for a moment,

Alec's features express the sense of betryal he feels, Magnus feels like crying,

But Alec says nothing so Magnus continues

" now though, I'm pretty sure you are immortal, I mean it feels like that"

"I had the right to know, so why didn't you tell me before? you might don't care... how cuold that not be a concern?"

Alec asks with a voice that is deadly calm,

Magnus heart broke a little at that.

"I didn't know the bond would get this strong, I swear..." he says quickly.

Alec eyes narrow as he replys " But it was a possibility yuo were aware of, and you said you knew I would have lived decades longer than normal, didn't you?",

Magnus heartbeat speeds up and he nods

"yeah" he says softly.

"So what stopped you from telling me?" Alec asks almost desperate.

Magnus takes a moment to compose himself before delivering the last blow

" Our wedding had to take place and I didn't want you feel even more pressured and..." he tries but Alec stops him rising his voice

"Don't lie to me" he says.

"I'm not ..." Magnus tries again.

"You are" Alec says, his voice strong and firm, the voice of someone who recognizes bullshit.

They glare at each other,

but Magnus knows Alec is right, but doesn't want to admit it, he feels like a coward,

but know he doesn't have a choice and Alec has the right to know

"This marriage is important, I accepted it because I wanted peace for my people, no one would have taken it seriously if it lasted just a few decades, I had to do something to make it last...and for the fact of not telling you, I just...I...I couldn't risk you calling the wedding of, I had to protect my people".

Saying it like that it looks reasonable, but also cruel,

Magnus sees it now and his heart break for this young man;

they are in this together, but Magnus went behind his back, and he even tried to lie to him just moments before.

"I see" it's all Alec can tell, his voice soft, his eyes looking at the window, but they seem unfocused and a little glassy.

Alec seems perfectly compose from the outside, but his eyes bretay him, they look utterly sad.

His lips in a thin line, so severe that they make Alec look so much older.

Magnus already misses his smile,

since the first moment Alec has always been open and sweet while with him, he cuold see how he was with others, closed and unreadable, but with him it had never been like that, just now it was.

Magnus wonders if he will ever see that beautiful smile again,

he feels selfhis because he knows he doesn't deserve it.

After what seems like hours Alec speaks.

"I understand"

and Magnus' heart stops before Alec continues

"I understand, I don't like it, I mean...it is my life we are talking about and I feel like I had the right to know, but I understand, you don't know me and you don't trust me..."

"I trust you though"

"But you don't trust me with your people"

"..."

"as I said I get it, I don't like it because I'm still a person who has feelings, but this peace is more important, so I understand it wasn't nothing personal, it was never about us, and about what we wanted".

Magnus doesn't know what to say,

he wanted to tell him that his feelings were more important, but they both knew that it wasn't true,

even when Magnus was regretting it.

Alec looks so sad, but smiles a little reassuring smile at Magnus,

I don't deserve him, he thought bitterly.

"I'm sorry" Magnus whispers.

"It's okay Magnus" Alec reassures him smiling a little more, honest, but oh, so sad Magnus' heart shuttered.

"could you do me a favor though?" Asks Alec after a bit.

"sure, Alexander", Alec smilefalters a little at the use of his full name, it seems to hurt him fisically, but he recovers fast enough, before saying

"Could you ask some of your immortal friends if I could talk to them about it?

I'd like to know what to expect from this...situation,

and I'd like to ask different opinions from different people".

Magnus is at loss of words for a few moments the whispers

" Sure, when?"

" Tonight, I can cook something in thanks, and after that we could talk, maybe some drinks?" he finishes esitantly.

Magnus replys

" Sure, darling"

Alec blushes a little at the petname,

and Magnus knows he is too lucky, 

Alec deserves so much better, in his place Magnus would have never forgiven him, would have never trusted him. 

But Alec is different, he is too good for this world, too understanding, so innocent and brave.

"Do you mind if I go for a walk? I need some air" Alec asks.

"Sure darling, you don't need to ask" Magnus reply, he hates that Alec feels like he needs his permission.

Like he could read his mind Alec says "I wasn't asking your permission, you are my husband, and I swore to respect you, I am a man of my word, so that won't change as long as we are married, no matter what"

Magnus was left speechless yet again, he feels overwhelmed, so he whispers

"Should I tell them what You want to talk to them or would you like to tell them yourself ?"

Alec seems a little sadder at the change of subject, if it was even possible, Magnus feels like he was stabbed.

Eventually Alec says "You tell them, I don't want to risk for them to feel uncomfortable talking about themselves about what I know is a delicate topic...or f them to feel uncomfortable talking about that with me in particular"

Too good, Magnus thought.

"Okay"

"See you later" Alec says, as he is already at the door.

"See you later..." Mgnus says.

"...darling" but Alec is gone and Magnus is crying.

"I miss you already, my Alexander, I'm sorry, please come back" he whispers with a sob.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have that conversation.

Magnus stops crying eventually and compose himself, he has something to do for his husband.

The first he calls is Catarina, both because she knows pretty much everything he has done and also because he needs comfort.

"Hello?" says Catarina when she answes the phone.

"Hey Cat are you free tonight? I need your help" Magnus replys nervously.

"...Everything okay? Are you hurt? This is your honeymoon, something happened with Alec?" says then Catarina.

"No..." he sniffs "... my Alexander is perfect" he is in the verge of crying.

"You are scaring me Magnus, tell me what happened right now" she demands.

"He is immortal now..." he is crying now.

"Oh Magnus..." Catarina whispers. Then she adds "Does he know ? He has the right to know"

" He knows..." says Magnus eventually. He is still crying.

" Is he mad ?" asks Catarina gently.

"No" Magnus sobs.

"What happened Magnus ?" she asks again, she doesn't understand what's happening, if Alec is not mad, where is the issue?

"He was very calm, but I could see he was hurt, Cat ... he asked me to explain how that was possible, so I told him that, He asked if I knew and I said yes, He asked me why I didn't tell him and I..." he hesitates.

"What is it Magnus?" asks Catarina as gently as before.

"I tried to lie to him..." he whispers.

"Magnus..." Catarina says.

" I know, but I panicked and I didn't want him to hate me, so I said that I didn't want to put that weight on his shoulders when he already had so much on him...Oh my God Cat I feel so ashamed...anyway, he knew I was lying and asked me not to, so I told him the truth and..." He stops again

Catarina doesn't say anything, so Magnus continues

"... he said he understands Cat, he said he doesn't like it, but ... he knows this marriage was important...more important than his feelings..." he finishes in a whisper.

"He is just a boy..." Her voice sad.

"He was smiling at me when he said that, Cat, he... he was trying to reassure me, like I was the one who was hurt...he is just so precious Cat, and I am so sorry for hurting him" he sobbed.

"Magnus, you did what was best for your people, you didn't do for yourself..." she tries.

"No, that's not true, he would have accepted the marriage anyway, I know that now, but I was a coward, I...I didn't want him to hate me, and...I didn't want to be alone anymore...he looked so sad Cat, I already miss his smile, I always thought his smiles were beautiful, but now I understand what a treasure they were, and he never denied me one of them in the last few days" he is crying harder now.

"You really like him" states Catarina a little surprised.

"He has such a huge heart Cat, my darling...he is so sweet and innocent, and so strong...God Cat I have know him for a few days and I already know he deserves the world" he is smiling through the tears, then he adds quietly, like it was a secret

"I can see myself fall in love with him so easly".

Catarina sighs before saying "Magnus...he has the right to blame you..." she ignores the Magnus' whimper at that "but he doesn't, it means that he will have an hard time, but you can be by his side, just...I know you, my friend,so just...don't push him away, stay by his side, watch his back, because he seem like the type of man who would do that for you anyway, no matter what"

"He would be better without me, he wouldn't want be by his side" Magnus retorts.

"You are married Magnus! And if he doesn't have he is aloene in this, he doesn't blame, but he is vulnerable now, he likes you Magnus, what would he think if you pushed him away now that he needs you the most?"

" You are right, it's just... I don't know"

"Yuo will, just don't do nothing stupid, I like him, he is a sweet boy"

"that he is"

"...so why did you ask me to come over, where is Alec?"

"Oh, Alec asked me if I could ask some immortal friends over for dinner and drinks, he wanted different opinions and he wished in some advices, would you be comfortable with it?"

"Sure, I have the night off, you never asked if I was comfortable though"

"Alec asked me to ake sure our guests were comfortable talking about a delicate topic he said, and that they were comfortable...talking to him"

"He is so considerate, never seen a shadowhunter like that, you are very lucky"

"I'm aware "

" I will be there at eight, it that ok?"

"yeah, sure, I don't know where he is right now, he went for a walk, but I think he will be back soon so I'll tell him you are coming"

"Okay, who else do you want? "

"I don't know, Maybe Ragnor, he is the best at answering questions"

"He hates it though"

"He loves it, he is just grumpy"

"I'll call him for you, you know he can't say no to me"

  
"Yeah I know, Than I thought of Salomon, he is new and a vampire, so he has a different prospect"

"Raphael won't let Simon come"

"I cuold always invite him too"

"I don't know if it's a good idea, but I'll ask Ragnor to ask him"

"You know Cat, it's a little insulting that none of my friends would help if I was the one to ask"

"You know we love you"

"yeah...conditionally"

" It's always love" " You shold invite Luke"

"Why? He is not immortal, is he?"

"He is an ex shadowhunter, it might help"

"Okay"

"I'll see you later then...wash your face, i'm sure you look horrible right now"

"geez thanks Cat"

"Wouldn't want to scare your husband" With that she cut off the line.

"Rude" Magnus frowns at the phone.

He recompose himself, he wants to be at his best for when Alexander comes home...home, how sweet.

He calls Luke than, who agrees to come and help.

He waits for an hour or so before recieving a message from Cat who says Ragnor, Rphael and Simon would come as well, but Raphael will bring anotheer vampire. Magnus doesn't like the idea of a stranger , but it can for the best.

Now he has to wait for Alexander, he went out after breakfast an now is almost lunchtime, he knows he doesn't need to worry, Alec is a big, strong Shadowhunter, but he can't help but worry, what if he decides to never come back? What if something bad happened? What if Alec hates him?

He is panicking.

He is in the verge of tears when the door opens and there he is, his beautiful husband he hed missed him so much more than he is willing to admit.

He just stares when Alec enters with an armful of bags. 

He closes the door and drop some of the larger bags, he keeps a bag of take away and approaches Magnus.

Magnus notices that his eyes are puffy and red and his heart break, but he is smiling a little, he is coming close, 

Magnus can feel his heart in his throat

Then Alec leans in and gives him a sweet little kiss as greeting.

"Hi" Alec says.

"Hi" Magnus greets breathless.

They look at each other for a while, then an only tear escapes Magnus, his voice strained when he says "I'm sorry"

Alec is still smiling at him, but his beautiful eyes are glassy "I know"

"Will you forgive me?" Magnus is almost begging.

"I heard relationship take effort...I'll need time, but you are my husband; we both need to remind each other that we are in this together, so...I'm for effort Magnus, are you with me?" Alec voice is soft when he speaks.

"I'm all for effort, darling"

Alec's smile trembles a little at that, he cards hi fingers through Magnus' hair, then with his thumb he wipes that lonely tear away.

Magnus leans to the touch. He feels at home like he never had before.

"I'll forgive you, but I need some time, can you give me that?" Alec asks.

"All the time you need" Magnus reply immediately.

"Thank you"

"No Alexander, Thanks to you, it is more than I deserve"

"I think you deserve a lot mags"

The petname startles Magnus, his shadowhunter is adorable, and he is falling a little.

Alec continues " Come on, I took sone chinese take away, I didn't know what you liked so I took bought almost everything, I hope You are Hungry?"

"I'm starving" Magnus says

"Perfect"

"What's in the bags darling?"

"Oh I almost Forgot, those are thing I need for the dinner"

"You know that I have magic, I could congiure something up"

Alec seems a little put off at that, and Magnus courses himself.

But then Alec is...blushing, how exquisite he is when he blushes, Magnus has to refrain himself from reaching out and kissing him senseless.

Then Alec rumbles "I thought we could cook together and spend some time with each other". 

He is blushing even harder now.

Magnus is enamoured, this time he reaches out, placing an hand over a cheeck and kissing the other.

"Of course we can darling"

"Okay"

Alec clears his throat, pretending not to know how red he must be looking right now.

"Let's go eat, shall we?"

"Sure"

Alec is turning when an hand come to rest on his arm, he looks at Magnus

"Thank you" Magnus whispers.

Alec doesn't answer, he just smile a little, not a full bright smile yet, but still tender, a promise

He nods and takes Magnus' hand tugging a little at it, and they go together to kitchen, a smile on both their lips.


End file.
